Review: The Hitman’s Bodyguard

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The other day I was wondering why they don’t make those sort of mid-budget movies that are fun and silly but are never really ever destined for cinematic superstardom. Films like 48 Hours or Midnight Run or Convoy or Romancing the Stone etc. Solid entertainment, acting and storytelling, but lacking that X-Factor that transforms some cheap-ass script into a franchise. Now there’s nothing wrong with just wanting to make a good movie. It’s just these days it’s all about the expanded universe. The sequels. The bigger picture. There’s no room for those “blue collar” flicks of old. Or so I thought. The Hitman’s Bodyguard proved me wrong.

No Whitney Houston Songs Were Harmed In The Process Of Making This Film

Review: Magnificent Seven (2016)

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Magnificent Seven 2016 Japanese Poster

Gonna make an admission here folks – I’ve never seen the original Magnificent Seven. So while I spend a couple of years reclaiming my lost movie badass credentials, I can at least watch the remake and give you an honest, fresh opinion. Look at it this way; I’ve got no preconceived notions. No expectations. I’m not gonna run into it thinking it’s gonna be shit or that it’s an unholy blight on the original movie and all involved should be struck down by Almighty Zeus himself. I’m just gonna shoot straight and tell it like it is, like Clint Eastwood would do. Note: Clint Eastwood is not in this movie.

This is some Magnificent Shit right here

Review: Gods of Egypt

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Gods of Egypt alternative poster

Considering the popularity of the show, you’d think the Game of Thrones main eventers would all be in decent films by now. But, John Snow moaned his way through the laughable Pompeii, then Daenerys misfired with Terminator Genysis. Maybe Tyrion will do better with his forth coming biopic on the guy who played Nik-Nak in The Man With the Golden Gun. Will his on-screen brother Jamie fair any better as leading man in Gods of Egypt?Let’s hope so…

Read More of This Egyptian Shit

Review: Law Abiding Citizen

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Law Abiding Citizen Poster

You gotta admit that the American courtroom is now a familiar element of cinema’s vocabulary. Even as a non-US citizen I still know what Exhibit A-Z refers to, that it sucks to have your objection overruled, and that there’s always a surprise witness. 12 Angry Men, A Few Good Men, numerous episodes of Star Trek. You’ve probably seen it all too. But have you seen a defendant claim the judge takes it up the ass? Probably not unless you’ve seen Law Abiding Citizen.

It’s gonna be Biblical…

Review: Ninja Assassin

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If James (assistant director on the Matrix Trilogy) McTeigue’s 2009 Germo/Yankee film is anything to go by, the life of a Ninja Assassin is pretty tough. It isn’t all shuriken-throwing and disappearing-into-shadows badass glamour. They have all kinds of shit to worry about like rival ninja’s trying to kill them while they’re doing laundry or grocery shopping. And the pay is really poor– they’re still getting paid the same rate from 600 years ago. Inflation, it’s revealed, is not part of the ninja code.

It’s no wonder that ninja Raizo goes rogue.

Ninjas oh my!