Review: Watchmen

Watchmen movie poster 2009 rorschach

Fresh off the heels of mega-hit comic-book adaption and meme goldmine 300, Zak Snyder had the world at his feet. Like a conquering hero, the grandiose success of only his second feature film afforded him his pick of the best, juiciest and most bountiful of projects. He could have done anything. He could have slipped into a franchise like Bond or the X-Men. He could have played it safe and made a sequel. Instead he choose to adapt the unadaptable He’d make The Watchmen;┬áthe labyrinthine, epic comic book that had lingered in development hell for nearly twenty years. The plan was to steer the floundering ship into port, and once again prove that he was the Alpha and the Omega of all comic-book movie directors. Fuck Christopher Nolan’s puny Batman or Hugh Jackman’s pathetic Wolverine. Snyder was gonna make a giant budget movie about a giant blue man with his giant blue CGI dick out.

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Review: Batman Returns

batman returns simple poster

It’s nearly four years since I took an in-depth look at all the bastards and badassery of 1989 mega-hit Batman. Beyond making household names out of Michael Keaton and Tim Burton, it demonstrated that darker, edgier, sexier super-hero flicks could hang with the square-jawed, frothy wholesomeness of Superman. A sequel, nay a harem of sequels, was inevitable. And so was this review.

Rejoice, Batman has Returneth

Review: Wonder Woman

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Did you ever read that story about Robert The Bruce (that Scottish dude who betrayed Mel Gibson in Braveheart)? After some crushing defeat during the rebellion he ended up hiding in a cave where he began to think about jacking it all in. But then he started watching this spider who kept trying to crawl up the wall. It kept falling down. For hours it kept trying and failing until finally it got all the way to the top. This never-say-die attitude gave Rob the inspiration to continue fighting. I think this is why DC keeps making films. After the critically dire Man of Steel, Batman vs. Superman, and Suicide Squad, most people would have been saying enough was enough. But they didn’t give up. And it turns out it’s fourth time lucky for our old DC friends.

And all it took was the help of a good woman.

Cue the Wonder Woman theme