Review: Hostiles

hostiles movie poster

Back in the 90’s if you needed a distinctive Native American badass the choice would be obvious. You’d call Wes Studi. Now that might be an unfamiliar name to those not steeped in action cinema lore. But he’s one of those guys you’ve seen in loads of things loads of times. You’ll know the face. Most famously playing killer period Natives in Dances with Wolves and Last of the Mohicans, you might also recognize him as Sagat in Street Fighter or one of Pacino’s crew in Heat. He was even one of those blue dudes in Avatar. Cut to 2018 and he’s still at it. But now he’s old. And Hostiles reverses the roles. Instead of a scalp-collecting Cherokee brave he’s a silver-flecked chief just looking for some peace.

Batman vs. Last of the Mohicans

Advertisements

Review: The Revenant

The Revenant Leonardo DiCaprio

In 2014, the dude who made Babel, Alejandro Iñárritu, reunited Michael Keaton with his most iconic role as Batman in the fantastic Birdman. Now he’s remade another 80’s classic, The Terminator, with Leonardo DiCaprio assuming the role as the unstoppable killing machine. Only this time instead of being set in the present it’s set in the past. And he’s not actually called the Terminator. He’s now The Revenant. But he has the same amount of lines as Arnie did, and he fights a bear, so it’s all gravy.

Bears, oh my!

DiCaprio Returns to Claim Oscars and Kill Bears in The Revenant

The Revenant 2015 Leonardo DiCaprio

Just like that whole thing about Sad Keanu, I bet that Leonardo DiCaprio (The Departed) is well aware of all the amusement caused by his lack of Oscar wins. However, his time for terrible, terrible revenge may have finally come. Soon, he could be smushing the blood of bears and Tom Hardy (Star Trek – Nemesis) into our once-smug, fat faces. He will stand above us, God-like, before braining us mercilessly with his golden war trophy.

Let it be known that The Revenant is coming. And awards are (likely) coming with him.

Read More of This Oscar Shit Here