We spend a lot of our lives learning about what other people did. Scientists call this “history”. And while so much has happened between the time our Mother’s birthed us unto this wretched Earth and now, we still think as most things having happened a long, long time ago. Then someone cool dies and you realize that “Shit, I was actually alive at the same time as this great dude”. I bet someone had that exact same feeling when badasses like da Vinci or Wyatt Earp died. In this case, it’s sad it has to be Muhammad Ali.
Read More About The Greatest Here
If you didn’t catch my last review (and why didn’t you?), Demolition Man pits badass cop John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone – Escape Plan) against meniacal bastard Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes – Passenger 57). Their old-school rivalry is played out on the streets of future LA, where everyone is too sanitized and pussy-whipped to intervene. But while you may write off Demolition Man as your prototypical 90’s sci-fi actioner, you’d best think again. Because like one of those M Night Shyamalan films, there’s a twist. See, Simon Phoenix isn’t the real bad guy.
Read more about wtf I’m talking about here
Los Angeles. 1996. The Future. LA has descended into a shitty whirlwind of fire and crime, and the pen-pushers at City Hall are helpless to stop it. So when Super Bastard Simon Phoenix (Wesley Snipes – Blade) kidnaps a busload of hostages, there’s only one man they can send to bring his ass down. Send a maniac to catch a maniac. Enter
Maniac Cop LAPD Sgt. John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone – Over The Top).
Demolish More of this Shite here
Pre-2015, I imagine the question “you reckon renowned sci-fi filmmaker Neil Blomkamp (District 9) and legendary counter-culture Afrikans art rappers, Die Antword, will join forces to remake the beloved 80’s kids film, Short Circuit?” didn’t run through many people’s minds.
But like an insane accident in a parallel Star Trek universe, it’s somehow happened, and Chappie swaggered onto our screens in 2015. So how does it measure up to the rest of Blomkamp’s work, and most importantly, who’d claim supremacy in the robo-deathbattle of the ages – Chappie or Johnny Five?
Read More of This Robo Shit
I know your pain. It’s Valentines Day and you know that you’re going to have to endure some crap like Sweet Home Alabama to get a whiff of action. She’s not fallen for the fake Deadpool poster, and she insists that Rocky is a boxing movie and not a love story. You’re screwed.
But I have a solution. Let’s find out why The Bodyguard might solve all of your problems.
Read More of This Romantic Shit
In 2014, the dude who made Babel, Alejandro Iñárritu, reunited Michael Keaton with his most iconic role as Batman in the fantastic Birdman. Now he’s remade another 80’s classic, The Terminator, with Leonardo DiCaprio assuming the role as the unstoppable killing machine. Only this time instead of being set in the present it’s set in the past. And he’s not actually called the Terminator. He’s now The Revenant. But he has the same amount of lines as Arnie did, and he fights a bear, so it’s all gravy.
Bears, oh my!
You’ve heard the same whining for years now: “Hollywood have run out of ideas”. “They’re just doing remakes and reboots and sequels now.” “Oh look, another comicbook-to-movie adaptation – what a suprise”. Another popular trend is to take old gothic literary characters and to bring them into modern times. From the laughably lame (Twilight) to seriously cool (Blade), vampire movies are still a major sub-genre of Hollywood. Werewolves have had their various treatments too (Underworld, Dog Soldiers). We’ve even got a new Moby Dick (re-titled Lost at Sea) coming out next year. Maybe that will inspire a spate of mutant killer whale movies.
Some of these films are good. Most are bad. But one fabled old bastard we haven’t seen for a while is Frankenstein. Save for a brief role in 2004’s Van Helsing, he’s been absent for years. Until now.
Read More of This Frankenshit